walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
