Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
