you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
don't judge my taste in strippers
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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