I wish my penis had an off switch
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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