I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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