You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
