Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
