can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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