Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
