guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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