can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
