idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
