If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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