the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
