Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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