the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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