I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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