I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
