Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
