Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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