obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
