Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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