I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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