he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
where are my eyebrows?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
