at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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