so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
