I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
