I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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