I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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