We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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