if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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