I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
