you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
