When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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