ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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