ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
