Fine. I'll sleep in my office
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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