god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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