plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
OPIZZABONMYDICK
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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