sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
