There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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