She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
His nipple licking is glorious
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