Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
