It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
