so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
