seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
