i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
