Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
