Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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