it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
