this beer tastes like vomit already
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
