hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
