i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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