yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
