the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
